学生的分数，就是教师的分数。

只要高考还没开始，就有无限机会！所以，请各位同学振作精神，认真检讨下列文字，避免今后犯类似错误。

课下，大家要强记信文。你们必须习得英语写作技能！不仅要在高考第II卷拿到35分，更要享受超越众人的outstanding career！

所以，务必将本信置于衣袋，每日反复揣摩、强记、learn the letter by heart…

久而久之，你们就能体会英文写作的趣味！

 一、某位同学的议论部分：

 The picture shows that there should be less home work.  Because students should make some hosework help mother but a lot of homework stop to them make hosework.  Therefore, I hope that my teacher will give me less homework in future.

点评：

The picture shows that there should be less home work（默地挺好，可惜有个错字）.  Because students should make some hosework（错字） help mother but a lot of homework stop to them make（stop sb. from doing sth.） hosework.（本句出现两个连接词because和but因此系错句。）  Therefore, I hope that my teacher will give me less homework in future.（结论句默地好！）

二、某位同学的议论部分：

  The picture shows that there should be less homework. 

  I feel tired after one day at school.  Although my mother is tired after work, she has to do much housework.  I want to help her and housework is a fun activities.  The activities help me relax and forget my problems. 

  After all I holp that teachers will give us less homework on saturday and sunday in future.

点评：

The picture shows that there should be less homework. 

  I feel tired after one day at school（缺句号）  Although my mother is tired after work, she has to do much housework.  I want to help her and housework is a fun activities（a与s怎能同炉）.  The activities help me relax and forget my problems. 

  After all I holp（笔误） that teachers will give us less homework on saturday and sunday in future.（两处笔误）

（主题句和结论句各自为政、各立门户，应避免之）

三、某位同学的议论部分：

  The picture shows that school shouldn’t throws books on kids.  I come home everyday.  The schoolwork so much more that I didn’t watch TV, play computer, have a good rest.  There for I hope not have schoolwork.

点评：

The picture shows that school shouldn’t throws books on kids（利用了阅读文章中的字汇，值得表扬）.  I come home everyday.（这句话无意义，不必写。英文写作一个忌讳就是写“无功能”空话。你如果提及“走读”，那就要渲染之。我试笔如下：As a day student, I go home by bus Monday through Friday.  After school, I rush to the bus stop and wait the bus with many people around.  The bus is always packed at 6 p.m., so the bus journey is not easy.  I have to go sixteen stops along the line, and then change to anther bus.  I arrive home after a three-hour journey by bus; at last I put down my heavy schoolbag, drink up two cups of water and lie in bed.）  The schoolwork so much more that I didn’t watch TV, play computer, have a good rest.（缺is，另外，并不平行呀）  There for（合写，缺逗号） I hope not have schoolwork.（hope后面应该是完整的句子，而not have schoolwork非句子也） 

四、某位同学的议论部分：

  In my opinion, the picture is wonderful and meaningful as well.  This picture shows that the students have a lot of textbooks to read and they are too many to the students. The heavy schoolwork have forced the children becoming thinner and losing their childhoods.  Thus, we should make our school study easier and happier.

点评：

In my opinion, the picture is wonderful and meaningful as well.  This picture shows that the students have a lot of textbooks to read and they are too many to the students.（原句不通，且看我的改动：the students are given too many textbooks to read at night.  For example, it takes me four whole hours at night to read the textbooks.  Before bed I like going for a long walks with Tiff, my pet puppy.  However, before I begin the second half of the late-night reading, Tiff has been dreaming on the floor!）  The heavy schoolwork have（笔误） forced the children（应是force sb. to do sth.） becoming thinner and losing their childhoods（直接长胡子啦？childhood后面不加s）（可改成lose the happiness of one’s childhood或lose the sweet memories of one’s childhood）.  Thus（更正式的说法是therefore）, we should make our school study easier and happier. （原句不通，且看我的改动：We should make our school life enjoyable. 或者We should get a great deal of enjoyment from school life.）

Note: before bed = before I go to sleep = 睡觉前

Tiff has been dreaming on the floor = Tiff has fallen asleep on the floor

五、某位同学的议论部分：

  In my opinion, the picture is wonderful and meaningful as well.  The schoolgirl just like me.  I always have so much schoolwork that I’m too busy to do something which I like, such as watching TV, haveing fun activities—play team games with my friends.  Our students are judged by exam results so we have to study hard and carry a heavy bag everyday.  I hope we can have a relaxing learning someday.

点评：

  In my opinion, the picture is wonderful and meaningful as well.  The schoolgirl just like me.（like me？于是改成：The little girl is given too much homework.  I have been in the situation like this.）  I always have so much schoolwork that I’m too busy to do something which I like, such as watching TV, haveing fun activities—play team games with my friends.  Our students are judged by exam results so we have to study hard and carry a heavy bag everyday.  I hope we can have a relaxing learning someday.（原句不通，relaxing一般用来形容气候，而且是贬义词，作“令人无精打采的”解。且看我的改动：If the amount of homework is suitable for students, most of them may enjoy their studies.  Therefore, I hope that in future teachers will give us less homework.）

六、某位同学的议论部分：

The picture is wonderful and meaningful as well. The picture shows that students have a lot of course to study, thinking many questions. As a student, we must have studyed, but we shouldn’t have this a lot.  We can see she is so little that she can’t receive these things. Through this picture, we can image if you order than her, what is like you will? And she is sure the woman carrys this bag can lose weight. In my opinion, we could have suit of everyone’s course. Then this things will be stopped.

点评：

首先（To begin with），我从“宏观”切入，该文主题句（Topic Sentence）是The picture shows that students have a lot of course to study, thinking many questions. 但其结论句（Conclusion）却是In my opinion, we could have suit of everyone’s course. Then this things will be stopped.  主题句和结论句不合。

接着（Next），我从“微观”切入。

原文“The picture shows that students have a lot of course to study, thinking many questions”中的“many”最好换成a lot of，因为在肯定句中，用a lot of比用many更自然。（注：In written English, many is used especially in phrases such as in many ways, in many places, and in many cases.）

course是可数名词，其常见搭配是take a course

如果非要用study表达“有很多课程要学”，则可写成：study too many subjects at school

thinking many questions不合文法，记得think about sth.这一表达吗？

如何表述“想很多问题”呢？不妨先头脑风暴一下！

我先试疯：use my mind to solve a lot of problems, understand a lot of words and remember important things that have happened in the past……爽吧？

疯毕，又冒出短语spend + 时间 + doing sth.

于是，修改后的完整句子即：

Although I study a lot of subjects at school, I am given a lot of homework.  I have to spend four whole hours at night doing my homework, solving a lot of problems, and learning useful information by heart.

原句“As a student, we must have studyed, but we shouldn’t have this a lot.”不通，studyed系笔误。“must have + 过去分词”，表示“必然完成某事”。

我揣测该生的意图是想表达“作为学生，我们必须学习，但是学业负担不可过分”，因此我有如下的句子：

As a student, I need to work hard and do my homework.  However, my teachers always give me too much homework.  I do not go to bed until a late hour.  It is all homework: necessary or unnecessary.  My teachers usually cross the line and I do not understand that.  After all, I feel dizzy and tired after finishing the late-night work.

原句“We can see she is so little that she can’t receive these things.”的意思似乎是说“我们能看出她太小，不能接受这些事情”吧？receive these things有问题。

receive通常指“从（官方）获得”，如She received an honorary degree from Harvard.

或指“收到（信）”，如I’m sorry I didn’t reply earlier, but I’ve only just received your letter.

我建议采用如下表达：

Although she is in her teens, the little girl is given late-night homework.  The heavy load of homework keeps the girl from having happy memories of her childhood at school.

或将上句合二为一成：

Although she is in her teens, the little girl is given a heavy load of homework which keeps her from having happy memories of her childhood at school.

原句“Through this picture, we can image if you order than her, what is like you will? And she is sure the woman carrys this bag can lose weight.”中，image, carrys系笔误，且另有其他语病，如“And she is sure the woman carrys this bag can lose weight.”应改为：

The little schoolgirl is sure that the woman can lose weight by carrying the heavy schoolbag.

原句“In my opinion, we could have suit of everyone’s course. Then this things will be stopped.”的意思似乎是说“依我看，我们可以有适合每一个人的课程。那么，这些事情可以被制止。”先检讨一下suit的用法：n.: a diving suit 

v.: The cap suits you.

再检讨一下stop的用法：n.: I get off at the stop 

v.: stop a car / stop talking / stop him from getting into trouble

最后，我建议将原句改为：

In my opinion, the schoolwork should be suitable for pupils.  After all, it is not impossible for teachers to give pupils a good experience at school.